I’ve never felt so down after feeling that

I’ve never felt so down after feeling that someone may only be interested in me because they find me attractive haha the irony right? I hope that statement doesn’t sound narcissistic because I’m not a self-absorbed person. It’s not a good feeling to feel as if the only thing that matters is the way you look.

It’s important to appreciate a person for who they are because that’s what is going to count in the end. I feel I’m pretty fucking annoying sometimes . . . I can be very complicated. I like being independent, I need my space but it does not mean I prefer it over someone’s company, it’s just in my nature to enjoy time alone. 

I sometimes wish I still felt something rather than dismissing it but the truth is there’s nothing left to feel. 

In the past month I’ve insulted two different people unintentionally. Is my opinion really that important? Frankly I was a bit embarrassed at first but I’ve managed to brush it off of my shoulders. It’s really unsettling to experience someone suddenly transform into a righteous human being when their usual personalities are rotten. I commend them for turning the tables though because I’ve tried doing that with certain oppressors and their head is too far up their ass to be affected by a prudent counterargument. 

After a while, I couldn’t care even if I wanted to, even if I tried. 

I’d wait ’til kingdom come.

bizarre love triangle

This is one of those nights or shall I say moments where I want to throw my hands up in defeat and just sigh,”oh, for fucks sake.” Every word I read pierces through my rib cage and punctures the useless muscle of inside it. It’s distressing to see ambiguity; it’s a typical human problem: the fear of the unknown. I’m bearing with my daily routine but I fade in and out of existence; I am simply not there. 

whenever someone rambles about something … good or bad it is a sign of being affected by it. I do not find time in my day to discuss something I simply do not care about. This is common sense; whatever it is you speak of, you’re obviously thinking about it. What you converse about is governed by your thoughts. I think it’s irritating when someone tries to emphasize that they do not care about something but cannot seem to shut up about it. Maybe I’m passive aggressive. This was very poorly articulated but whatever I’m not trying to impress anyone

just a thought. I keep seeing people complain about this so here’s my outlook on their petty problems

It’s not challenging at all to be happy with another person. You either love them unconditionally or you don’t give a fuck. There is no in-between. All of the grey areas are what cause complications. 

sometimes I feel like my entire life sucks because I didn’t go to USC and then other times I just sort of deal with it but for now I’m feeling down

finals week

I’m excited for Spring Quarter not so much Spring break haha. Anyway, I managed to get Mondays and Fridays off and I’ve not ascertained if that is going to affect me negatively.  Hopefully I don’t get too lazy although I already have a library buddy and I couldn’t be more excited for that to fall through. Going to the science library on my own isn’t too bad but having someone to study with would make it all that much more tolerable. I haven’t seen my family in about a month because I decided to stay in Riverside for as long as I could. I actually haven’t had a problem with not visiting my hometown. Because I’ve been away for some time, I don’t have solid plans for the break but I don’t really care. Staying home and doing nothing would probably be fine. I’d like to spend time with Paulina at the park and teach her how to ride her bike or something. I thought about going to six flags but I’d just be going just to go not because I actually want to go. So, hopefully I can find someone to accompany me to the theaters or have someone come over to watch movies at my house. All of my friends are always busy with work or are too busy living on the other end of the United States. I was just browsing through my news feed on Facebook this morning and I actually came across something that was worth my attention. My colleague, Ivette is now in France and has visited Versailles and Oscar Wilde’s tomb. Wait, she kissed Oscar Wilde’s tomb. ISN’T THAT FREAKING AWESOME?! He’s one of the most influential figures in my life. In fact, I would probably never be able to visit France if it were not for him. Bizarre, isn’t it? Just last week I published my first article in the Highlander (UCR’s newspaper) so I’m pretty stoked. It’s a mini-accomplishment. I’d like to write more and actually be a part of the editing staff or the photography team. I’ve realized every time I talk about these things I out-nerd myself each time. So, byeee